Friday, February 13, 2009

Preview: Flight Book 6

Here is a small contribution for Flight Book 6 published by Random House. Anyone interested to proof read it? You can post all the errors/comments on this blog. Thank you for sharing your time with me.

10 comments:

t e s s a r * said...

you are the boss.

Kinman said...

this is pretty awesome man.. tastefully serene

alice said...

so pretty colors!

beau b said...

beautiful.

nino benito said...

great work, love the colors. wish to have this book.

bongo said...

Wow. Now I have more reason to get the latest flight!

I did some proof reading and I had some comments about page 4. The first line "At your age it is only time that we are separated forever and that bothers me." It doesn't sound right to me, but I see the sentence in 3 ways that I think sound better, but it all depends on what message you're trying to convey with it, or if there really is anything wrong with the sentence in the first place: 1, "At your age it is only by time that we are separated forever and that bothers me."; 2, "At your age it is only because of time that we are separated forever and that bothers me."; 3, "At your age it is only time that keeps us separated forever and that bothers me."

The line "This is obviously more therapeutic for me to talk about this then it will be for you."

The word "this" is redundant. You could drop the one after "about".

Also, the word "then" should be changed to "than", as your indicating a comparison.

edwinushiro said...

Thanks everyone. Not quite sure if this will be included in the book yet since Kazu said it was quite short. But thanks Bongo for your writing help. I will make those changes. So right on!

monica choy said...

really beautiful edwin! i agree with bongo on those three points. also "allot" should be "a lot". <3

SoooGood said...

RUSTY~! >^_^<

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